Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize