How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
