i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
