You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
