Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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