Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
