why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
