I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
