and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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