It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
