It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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