I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
