New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have feelings that need drinking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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