Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
