well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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