I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
