i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
