dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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