Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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