I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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