Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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