Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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