is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
