Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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