Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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