i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
