Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
