I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
