i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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