i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
