the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
