Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
