are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize