Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
