Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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