I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
