Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
