I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
