If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Shame - the story of my life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
