just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
