I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sext me about skeletons
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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