Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
