OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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