what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
