we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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