so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
