But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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