so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
