I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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