I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
