also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
