i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
