guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
