There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
