you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
