dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
