is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
