i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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