Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
