at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
