I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
