I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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