im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
