At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
