No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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