Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
