Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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