My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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