Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
