her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize