sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize