i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and Iām just fucking done
Randomize
