why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
