dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
