Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
