I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
