he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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