I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
