We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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