Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's always time for handjobs
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
