how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
