the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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