I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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