The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
