Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
