Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize