If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
