I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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