It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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