You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
