Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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