i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
