I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
