I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize