one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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