guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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