just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
