Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
