Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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