So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize