i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
