Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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