glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize