Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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